Jenak Jenaka
Indonesia Media
Pada suatu pertemuan di Washington seorang pejabat Indonesia bertemu dengan pengusaha raksasa produsen telpon genggam. Cerita punya cerita sang produsen menawarkan produknya, sebuah HandPhone GSM yang bisa digunakan menghubungi kemana saja termasuk ke surga dan neraka.
Pejabat tersebut akhirnya mencoba menghubungi istrinya yang pertama yang telah meninggal akibat stroke setelah salah makanan....termasuk makan uang hasil korupsi sang suami.
Sang pejabat tersebut bertanya pada si Amerika ini, tentang berapa harus membayar untuk pembicaraan 3 menit tadi. Teryata mahal juga, sang pejabat harus membayar US$200. wah mahal juga tapi tak apalah ...
Akhirnya Sang Pejabat tertarik membeli HP sejenis dan membawanya pulang ke Indonesia. Sampai di Indonesia dia menghubungi sang istrinya yang sudah meninggal tadi. Setelah berbicara hampir 1 jam dicek bahwa pembicaraan itu hanya menghabiskan US$10. Langsung dia menghubungi Si Amerika tadi: "Hai yang bener aja kemarin di Amerika saya pakai cuma tiga menit harus bayar US$200, mahal bener barusan di sini saya coba pakai 1 jam cuma US$10."
Si Amerika dengan santainya menjawab, "Ya tentu saja... Indonesia khan dekat dengan neraka, jadi hitungan tarifnya lokal"
Three Guys in Court.
Three guys are arrested in an adult bookstore and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:
"What is your name?" he asked.
"John," the guy answered.
"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and
blowing smoke," he answered.
The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he
dismissed the guy and called up the next one.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"John," the guy answered.
"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.
"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and
blowing smoke," he answered.
Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called
adult store is beginning to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.
"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said.
"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."
Priests On Vacation
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute,young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are
She replied,'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
Sex is Work or Play?
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.
In other words, he goes to a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.
Jews in China
Sid and Al are Jews and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied.
"Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China, our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I asked everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews! If you really want, we have Chinese tea."
Check Me Out
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."
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